Today as i was driving I could smell the fumes from the cars on the road and i thought "I bet that in the Celestial Kingdom the air actually smells nice... probably a sweet smell, a smell of clean, pure, fresh air." I bet there is a smell in the air in the Celestial Kingdom. I want to live there. I want to be there with my Jayzinho - he is my best friend and I love him so much. We truly were meant to be together. I want to grow old with him, laugh with him, learn new things with him and simply be by his side for all eternity.
Jay is such a blessing in my life. He is such a wonderful husband. He's not perfect by any means, but he is SO GOOD. He is perfect for me.
When I left home (in Portugal) to come study in the States my biggest fear was that my parents would die without me being near them. Every single night, for more than one year, I begged in my prayers that Heavenly Father would not take away my parents from this earth. I would beg, cry and explain to Father that I would not be able to cope with the loss of my parents while I was away. Heavenly Father not once told me that He would not take away my parents from me. But what He did always repeat to my heart was: "If your parents leave this mortal experience, you will be prepared to handle it. If it happens it is because you are prepared and can deal with it." Well, my parents are still alive. And I am very grateful that I received the blessing of having my parents be present to see me go on a mission, come back from a mission, get married in the Temple, graduate with a Master's degree and have two children.
Now, my biggest fear is that I wont have Jay to grow old with. I don't want to loose him. I really don't want to go a day without seeing him and hugging him and telling him how much I love him. Jay is my night in shinning armor. He is soooo patient with me, and he helps me to not take life too serious.
Of course we have misunderstandings, or arguments at times.... : ) in fact, there is a time, every month, when I seem to get irritated or hurt by him more often... can you guess what time of the month that is? : ) yeah, the time my hormones go crazy!!!
Anyway, I hope Heavenly Father blesses me with the opportunity to keep growing and learning next to Jay. We want to serve a mission together later in life. I also want to take him to Africa, and I would love to visit China with him : )
Work is going well. I feel like I need to be more straight forward about my feelings and about what I like and don't like. There's a girl at work that likes to badmouth about other people, and I've caught her saying several lies. I don't feel comfortable when she approaches me to badmouth about other people, and I need to just be straight forward with her and tell her that I want to have nothing to do with conversations like that.
Ohh, Tiago is crying... he's quiet now... He is such a "sweet & sour" little boy : ) I love him SO much. He gives me the BEST hugs, cuddles with me like no one else, has the sweetest smile on hearth, and the cutest giggle (well... OK the cutest giggle actually belongs to Gabi) but then at times he is so stubborn, so irrational, and a little brutinho when he kicks at me or tries to slap me... he's an angel in my life.
I'm teaching Zumba at Curves and loving it. I'm also teaching at the Mesa Y and loving that class too. Exercising is definately helping me feel better. Since I went to counseling I've been better at taking time for myself and about finding something that I like doing. This helps me be a better mother and a better wife because this way I don't feel like I'm constantly sacrificing myself for my family and like there's nothing left at the end of the day for me. It's like I'm giving of the water in my well but making sure that I'm putting some water in as well. Before I used to just give and give all the water that I had in my well and then there was nothing, no more water, no energy, no nothing left for me. I thought that to be a good mother this was what I had to do. But there were all these resentments growing inside of me. Resentments for being a mother, for having children that need my help, for not having a career outside of the home, resentments for the fact that Jay gets to leave the house and spend his day with other grownups while I have to stay at home with the children, resentments of not being validated etc.
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